Calvin's Quest
by Golden Keyblade
Summary: When a simple argument leads Calvin and Hobbes on a trip through time, they soon find themselves wrapped up in a quest which seems to stretch from the distant past to the far future, with more than they can imagine at stake and an impossible foe waiting at the end. Current chapter: "In Too Deep".
1. Chapter 1: Starships

**A/N: YEAH BABY! I finally got a fanfiction account! First off, I have to say I don't own _Calvin and Hobbes_, and I never will. Second, I would like to say that, since this is my first fanfic, please don't be harsh in the reviews. But DO review: I need some feedback for this story! **

**And now, sit back, relax, and enjoy _Calvin's Quest_! **

Chapter 1: Starships

It was all a normal day at the ordinary household. And by normal, I mean that the bedroom on the top floor was in a state of total chaos. The reason: Calvin, the most hyper six-year-old in the world. Calvin spent every moment not down in front of the TV in his bedroom with one of his only friends, a tiger named Hobbes.

Yes, I did say tiger.

Hobbes was probably the most intelligent tiger on any planet; he was certainly intelligent enough to be able to not only talk to Calvin, but also to pass himself off as a stuffed animal whenever Calvin's parents were around.

Anyway, back to our story. At the time the story starts, Calvin and Hobbes were right in the middle of an argument over what weapons starships would have.

"I'm telling you," said Calvin, "if there were starships, they would definitely have photon cannons!"

"Are you kidding?" asked Hobbes. "How could beams of light do any damage? Starships would definitely have an ion blaster or something."

"Ion blasters don't have a long enough range," Calvin said (Calvin considered himself an expert on all imaginary weapons). "Besides, light can do a lot of damage. Have you ever heard of a laser before?"

"That's a _concentrated_ beam of light! There's no way a photon cannon would be able to concentrate light enough to do any visible damage to an enemy starship! Photons are massless, for crying out loud!"

Calvin slumped to the floor. There was no way to win in this discussion. After all, starships weren't even real, so how could anyone guess what weapons they would have?

Suddenly, Calvin had a thought. Starships hadn't been invented _yet_…but did that mean he and Hobbes couldn't go see them when they _had_ been?

"Hobbes," he said, "I've got a plan to resolve the issue once and for all!"

"What is it?" asked Hobbes suspiciously.

"To the cardboard box!" yelled Calvin.

Calvin raced over to the closet and came out of it with a big cardboard box. There was a lot of duct tape on one of its sides where Calvin had covered up crossed-out words on the box. Right now the word on it said, "Transmogrifier."

"Your transmogrifier?" asked Hobbes. "I'm not really sure what this has to do with starships, but…"

"Oops!" Quickly Calvin pulled out a ballpoint pen. He crossed out "Transmogrifier" and wrote "Time Machine" a few inches below it.

"Oh, no," said Hobbes, realizing where this was going, or to be more precise, _when_ it was going. "I promised that I would never go time traveling again. I thought we agreed it was too risky. What if we run into ourselves again? The last time we tried this, you ran into two versions of yourself. As you said yourself, it's a miracle one of you wasn't bounced off into the whatever-you-call-it. There is no WAY that I'm getting back in that death trap."

"I have told you this before," said Calvin. "The future versions of me were from one and two hours in the relative future, so there was absolutely no chance of anyone getting bounced off into the Paradox Dimension."

(In case you are wondering, the Paradox Dimension is part of a theory on an unusual occurrence in time travel. As Calvin noticed, sometimes, when a person encounters past or future versions of himself, one of these versions vanishes from existence with no warning. If the past version is thrust off, than the occurrence often causes the other version to be thrust off as well. Calvin theorized that the people caught in these "glitches" in time may be "bounced" into a place that he called the Paradox Dimension, a sort of junkyard for the time stream.)

**A/N: That part was epic foreshadowing. **

"Whatever," said Hobbes. "No more time traveling."

"Come on!" exclaimed Calvin. "It's going to be really cool! Besides, we're going to travel over two hundred years into the future, so there's no chance of running into a future version of us."

It took a while, but eventually Hobbes agreed that they would have a lot of fun seeing starships. They both climbed into the cardboard box.

"What year are we going to?" asked Hobbes.

"How about 2222?" suggested Calvin. "That should be enough time for people to invent starships, plus it's easy for the time machine to remember."

"Okay," said Hobbes.

"Well, here we go!" exclaimed Calvin. He turned back to the control panel, which consisted of a single button. He pushed it, and the cardboard box lifted into the air and flew straight into the timestream.


	2. Chapter 2: Time Travel

Chapter 2: Time Travel 

The timestream was different every time you visited it. Or, to be more accurate, your **perception** of the timestream was different every time.

Okay, here's what's going on: you can't really _see_ the timestream. It's made of pure temporal energy, so even in a place where it surrounds you, you can't actually see it. As a matter of fact, it isn't even in a place. Your brain can't cope with this, so it interprets the information as sight.

This time, it looked like a swirling passage made up of black dots with glowing blue stars hurtling past a cardboard box carrying Calvin and Hobbes to the year 2222.

"It never fails," grumbled Hobbes. "As soon as we get into the timestream, I have to go to the bathroom. Who was the idiot who convinced you not to include restrooms in the time machine?"

"First of all," said Calvin, "I was 'the idiot'. Second of all, there's barely room for both of us, let alone a bathroom. And thirdly, you're welcome to take a pee over the side, so long as you don't mind your urine hitting someone who just happens to be at a certain point in history where it emerges. Oh, and that would probably change the past, what with an unidentifiable stream of pee appearing out of nowhere."

"Okay, I'll hold it," said Hobbes, who was grossed out to the max by this entire conversation. The trip continued in absolute silence, apart from the roaring of the timestream.

After about five minutes (or perhaps it was a couple of centuries; it was impossible to tell), the time machine found its exit and crashed through the wall of the timestream, thus exiting the so-called "time-space" and reentering real space in a second. The box emerged about 600 miles above Earth in the year 2222.

What they saw was amazing. A massive white starship hung in space in front of them. It was almost a mile long. It was long and sleek, and the engines at the back were utterly silent as they propelled the ship forward, leaving behind it a pair of trails shaped like opposite spirals.

"It has an antimatter drive!" said Calvin wistfully. "An antimatter drive could transport you to the other side of our galaxy and back with one load of fuel!" Calvin wasn't quite sure if this was true or not, but it sounded close.

"Let's get closer," said Hobbes. "We came to see what weapons they have."

As the time machine drew closer, it became very clear that this was not a military vessel. The weapons were small and few. The only weapons there were (and Hobbes had to assume they were weapons, since that was the only thing he could think of to describe them) were a pair of tubes. Each side had one tube, and for some reason the sight caused an enormous smile to break out on Calvin's face.

"Do you know what those are?" he asked, indicating a tube. "They're PHOTON CANNONS! I was totally right! You lost our bet!"

"What?" asked Hobbes. "We didn't have a bet! All we said was…"

At that moment the arguing was interrupted by a small pillar striking the time machine.

** Oooh, cliffy! I will try to update soon, but I'm not sure when I'll have another chance. I WILL keep going! **


	3. Chapter 3: The First Pillar

Chapter 3: The First Pillar 

The time machine went soaring backwards. The pillar in question stayed perfectly still, as if daring the pair to say that it had done something wrong. Calvin stared at it.

"What the heck is that doing there?" he almost yelled.

"It appears," said Hobbes, "to be a tiny pillar of some sort. Or something like that."

"I know that!" said Calvin. "But what is it for? Why is it floating here? Is it a part of the starship?"

"I doubt it," said Hobbes. "I mean, it doesn't match its color scheme."

This was true. While the ship was almost all white, the pillar was bright orange. It was about a foot long, and for a reason that escaped both Calvin and Hobbes, it was covered in what seemed to be fish scales.

"Well, what is it?" Calvin asked again.

"I don't know," said Hobbes. "Use the tractor beam."

Calvin pulled a lever, and a green beam of light came out of the box's side, drawing the pillar toward the box. As soon as it was about a foot from the side, Calvin grabbed it. As soon as he touched it, the gravity of the box caused it to instantly become as heavy as it was: about four pounds.

Calvin stared at it for a little while. "This is some kind of pillar," he said finally.

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "No, duh," he said. "But what does it DO?"

"I have no idea," said Calvin. "It looks like it's meant to fit into something, but I have no idea what. The scales on it suggest it has an underwater function, though I'm not entirely sure why we found it up here in space."

Hobbes examined it. "This is WEIRD," he said, taking back the pillar. "Is it safe to take it back to the present?"

"Probably," said Calvin. "It looks fine."

Calvin took the pillar back and placed it inside a large plastic bag. "We'll keep it in this bag so we don't lose it on the way home," he said.

"Wait," interrupted Hobbes. "We're leaving already? I mean, we're in the future! I mean, I still don't like traveling through time, but...as long as we're here..."

"I know what you're saying," said Calvin. "We should explore a little more. But we already did what we came for: I proved I won the bet..."

"We didn't have a bet," said Hobbes coldly.

"Whatever," said Calvin. "The point is, we did all that we came for. Now we can go back to the present."

Hobbes sighed. In his opinion, if you _have_ to travel in time, you should get the maximum experience possible. But he was happy to get home, so he reluctantly nodded. "Let's go," he said.

Calvin adjusted the time machine to return them to the present; no sense in going back to the same time they came here, crashing into themselves, and creating a paradox. The time machine began to hum.

"Here we go!" shouted Calvin.

There was a blast of heat, and the time machine soared out of real space and into time-space. This time (pardon the pun) the timestream appeared as an infinite stretch of white nothingness interspersed with black five-pointed stars.

The trip back was uneventful...at first. Calvin was bent over the controls, and Hobbes was wondering how long the trip would take, since he still had to use the bathroom.

Suddenly something shot by the time machine. With a jolt, Hobbes realized it was laptop computer.

"What was that?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin shrugged. "It's only timestream junk," he said. "It must've been sent through time at some point in history. There's no reason to worry about..."

At that moment, something very worrying indeed happened.

Suddenly, a fast-moving object came from nowhere. It was moving on a path that in time-space was perpendicular to the time machine. The object struck the floor of the large box, causing it to go spinning out of control.

"What did you DO?" yelled Calvin as the cardboard time machine, still with the object on board, spun back into real space with a bang.

**Yes, I like cliffies! (Evil laugh.) Okay, seriously. I'll try to update as soon as possible. But it's not that easy: I have schoolwork to do, and this was my longest chapter yet! Nevertheless, I'll try. **

**By now you probably have some questions, such as: What is the mysterious scaly pillar? Why was it floating in space in the year 2222? What is the object that hit the time machine? And where- and WHEN- are Calvin and Hobbes now? The answers will be revealed in Chapter 4 of... _Calvin's Quest_! **


	4. Chapter 4: The Symbol

Chapter 4: The Symbol 

**A/N: Okay, I'd like to say something before we take this story any further, I want to say something: this IS going to be a series! So don't expect to get all of the answers in this story. I'm going to stop it at a horrible point; I want to admit that right now. **

**But that's not very important right now! Let's find out where and when Calvin and Hobbes are now! **

**Oh, by the way, if you didn't know, I am also in the process of writing a couple other stories. One is a Mario story called **_**Message from the Purple One**_**, and the other is a **_**Kingdom Hearts 3**_**-type story. I need feedback on the Mario one! I'd also like more comments on the KH one! **

**But now, back to the seriously epic fanfic which is... **_**Calvin's Quest**_**! **

**(P.S.: In the first chapter I said that the controls on the time machine consisted of a single button. Ignore me on that count. For our purposes, let's say that it has lots of buttons, dials, levers, and video screen on one wall. I hope we have resolved any inconsistencies.) **

* * *

The first thing Calvin saw was the sand.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He must have blacked out when the time machine re-entered real space by accident. He remembered the box getting hit by something, the time machine had spun out, they had left the timestream with a bang, and then...nothing.

He looked around. There was nothing but sand around the time machine for as far as he could see. Apparently they had crash-landed in the desert. Well, that resolved the issue of _where_ they were (sort of). Now all he had to do was find out _when_ they were.

Suddenly there was a groan. Calvin spun around to see where it had come from. Hobbes was sprawled on the floor of the time machine. One arm lay over the side. He lay face down on the cardboard floor.

"Hobbes!" shouted Calvin. "Wake up!"

Hobbes sprang awake and instantly started his routine of trying to kill anything nearby. Fortunately Calvin, who'd spent years with this behavior, had been able to jump out of the time machine before Hobbes had begun attacking every inch of the time machine.

"Hobbes, it's me!" yelled Calvin. "Now calm the heck down and help me figure out when we are?"

Hobbes calmed down. "First let's figure out where we are," he said.

"We're in the desert," said Calvin, wiping sweat off of his brow. "From the heat and position of the sun, I'd hazard a guess at the Sahara, possibly in Egypt."

"Well...what do we do?" asked Hobbes.

"I'll tell you," said Calvin. "We're going to get out of here and find out when we are. Maybe we can find a couple landmarks."

"Wait a minute," said Hobbes, looking down. "What's that thing doing there?"

Calvin glanced down in surprise. Sitting on the bottom of the time machine, drawn in tiny white lines and filling at least three-fourths of the cardboard surface, was an unusual symbol. It was roughly hexagon shaped, with small circular spaces at the corners. Lots of tiny curls and flourishes came off the main lines that connected the circles.

Calvin blinked. "I'm 93.7% sure that wasn't there just before we crashed," he said. "In fact, I'm going all the way up to 94%. You must have covered it up when you fell onto the floor."

"Well, what is it?" asked Hobbes. "And how did it get here in the first place?"

"I have no CLUE what it is," said Calvin, "but I might know what caused it."

He began to look around in the sand around the box. "I need your help," he said. "Look for whatever it was that hit the time machine. That must've been what made this weird symbol to appear. We need to find it."

It didn't take long. Less than a minute later, there was a gasp from Hobbes. "Calvin..." he said slowly. "This is it... and I think you need to see it."

Calvin walked over to where Hobbes was standing. He looked down. At first he didn't see anything. "Where is it?" he asked. "What's...?"

At that moment, he saw it... and it took all his strength not to shout in surprise.

Lying in the sand in front of him was a small pillar. Its surface was smooth, unlike the last one's scaly surface, and it seemed to be made out of some kind of yellow plastic. In all other respects it was identical to the pillar from the future.

Slowly Calvin walked over to the time machine. When he returned, he was carrying the first pillar. He placed it by the other one in the sand.

They were exactly the same size. They were obviously meant to go together.

"Well," said Calvin. "It looks as if there's not just one pillar in the universe."

"But...how?" asked Hobbes. "The odds of us finding a pair of pillars, probably hundreds of years apart, have to be astronomical!"

"I know," said Calvin. "But it's true. Well, at least we know one thing: these things have got to be important if the person who created them was willing to create two. We've got to get them back to the present right away."

"Hang on," said Hobbes. "We need to come up with a name for both of them. We can't just call them 'the pillars.' We need to find names."

Calvin thought. After a moment he said, "Okay. We'll call the first one 'the Scaly Pillar', and we'll call the second one 'the Plastic Pillar'. Happy?"

Hobbes was going to ask for something more creative, but he decided it wasn't worth it.

Suddenly Calvin facepalmed himself. "Of COURSE!" he shouted. "It was so obvious! Why didn't I think of it?"

"What?" asked Hobbes, half excited, half scared.

Calvin didn't answer. He simply vaulted back into the time machine. A moment later Hobbes followed him.

Calvin was bending down to the floor of the machine. He was measuring the diameter of one of the blank circles on the cardboard floor.

"Of course," he said. "The circles on the hexagons are exactly the same size as the bases of the pillars!"

Hobbes was suddenly struck with the implications. "Is that...does that mean the pillars are connected to the symbol somehow?" he asked.

"Probably," said Calvin. "After all, the Plastic Pillar is what made the symbol appear in the first place. Six circles might mean six pillars. But I don't think that's it."

"What do you mean?" asked Hobbes.

"I think the pillars somehow activate the symbol," said Calvin. "I'm betting when you stand all six of the pillars on their corresponding circles, something happens."

"Like what?" asked Hobbes, not really sure he wanted to know.

"No clue," said Calvin. "But look!"

He suddenly leapt back. The circles on the symbol had suddenly begun to change color. One became orange, one a light yellow, one red, one gold, one pink, and one purple.

"Whoa!" shouted Hobbes, almost falling backward out of the time machine. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," said Calvin. "But I think we just got a hint as to which circles hold which pillars."

He bent down. "The orange one should have the Scaly Pillar," he said. He picked up the aforementioned pillar and placed it gingerly on the orange circle.

Nothing visibly happened. Frustrated Calvin pulled on the pillar to try another circle...and stopped.

"It's stuck," he said. "The pillar is stuck."

"Maybe that means you got it right!" shouted Hobbes excitedly. "Maybe we're on the right track after all!"

Calvin grinned. "Plastic Pillar next," he said.

He drew out the yellow pillar, placing it on the yellow circle. Again, when he tugged, nothing happened.

"Alright!" shouted Calvin. "Now all we have to do is get back to the present and track the rest with a scanner. I'll just..."

Suddenly he stopped. He and Hobbes both stared over at the data on the screens...or where the data had been just a second ago. Where it had been was now nothing but static.

"That's weird," said Hobbes. "Is it a malfunction?"

Calvin didn't answer. A shrill beeping had started. He slowly drew out a pen from his back pocket. Flashing lights covered its surface. It seemed to be the source of the beep.

"What is that thing?" asked Hobbes, suddenly fearful. "Please don't tell me it's a Geiger counter."

"No," said Calvin quietly. "It's a Higgs scanner. After the theorized Higgs boson. The pen beeps when it detects a large amount of rare particles, such as the Higgs boson. And those pillars are giving off rare particles in showers."

Suddenly Hobbes's heart sank. "You mean...?" began the tiger.

"Yep," said Calvin in a near whisper. "Those particles are interfering with the time machine."

* * *

**YAY, ANOTHER CLIFFIE! Okay, sorry. I'll update again soon, and hopefully it won't be a cliffie.**


	5. Chapter 5: The Pyramid

Chapter 5: The Pyramid 

**A/N: HEY GUYS! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been SWAMPED with homework. It's insane. I haven't had a chance to update recently, but I should be more diligent about it in the future. I will try to update _Kingdom Hearts 3: Domain of Doors_ soon, but right now I can't promise anything; I've got a lot of stuff going on. I'm also starting a new C&H story, which is called _Fun and Games_. It isn't really related to CQ, but as I said on my profile, it's in the same timeline. Hopefully that will be up soon. But until then, enjoy this all-new chapter in the epic story of _Calvin's Quest_! **

* * *

"WHAT?" screamed Hobbes. "You mean that we can't get out? We're stuck in wherever and whenever this is we've crashed in?"

"Not exactly," said Calvin. "All we have to do is make a particle filter to block the radiation from the pillars. It's a simple matter of figuring out exactly what's wrong."

Calvin walked over to the one control which still had a display. "I'm glad I built in a failsafe diagnostic system for the time machine," he said. "Otherwise, we'd be in a **lot** of trouble. Not that we're not already in trouble," he added, as he saw the look Hobbes was giving him, "but we would be in a lot more if we didn't have this."

Calvin spent a few minutes examining the system. He finally straightened up and gave his report.

"I've never seen anything like this," he said. "The type of particles emitted by the pillars varies along a binary base that is affected by the deposit of individual artifacts."

"In English," said Hobbes.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "When we have an odd number of pillars in place, the Time Machine keeps working, but if there's an even number, it stops working," he said.

"Wow," said Hobbes. "I didn't think that kind of thing was possible except in really poorly thought-out fanfics-"

"Shh!" hissed Calvin, who had a thing about making sure people didn't break the fourth wall.

"Sorry," said Hobbes.

"So basically," said Calvin, "we have two options. We can either sit around and wait for a third pillar to arrive here in the desert at this point in history..."

"Not a good option," admitted Hobbes.

"...or," said Calvin, "we could make a particle filter to simulate a pillar."

"Let's do option two," said Hobbes, curling up on the floor of the box (now a bit awkward, due to the presence of two pillars). "Wake me when you're done."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Come on, Hobbes," he said, at the same time pulling the tiger upright. "If we're lucky, we crashed back in the future and we can just buy a filter from a nearby town."

Hobbes sighed. "Fine," he said. "But you drag the box all the way there."

"No, you," said Calvin.

"No, you," said Hobbes.

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

Calvin groaned. This was literally not going anywhere at all. "Okay, listen," he said. "Neither one of us is going to give in, so let's compromise. We'll both pull the box. If we do that, it's like we're each pulling half the box."

"Fine," muttered Hobbes.

Fortunately, it was not far until they got their first sign of civilization; they had gone less than half a mile when the two saw it over a sand dune. _Un_fortunately, what the two of them saw made them realize this was NOT the future.

In front of them was the Great Pyramid ofGiza...but it wasn't a ruin. It was...still under construction! All around it teams of slaves pulled massive stones up a ramp using thick rope. The huge stones were then mounted in the pyramid in a way which involved lifting it with a kind of pulley.

"Well," said Calvin, "it looks like we're going to have a bit more trouble than we expected finding a filter."

Hobbes sat down. "I give up," he said. "We don't have a chance of finding or making a filter. We're stuck roughly three thousand years in the past..."

"Four thousand," corrected Calvin.

"Whatever!" shouted Hobbes. "The point is, it's over."

"WHAT?" screamed Calvin. "Admit defeat? We'll do no such thing! That is **not** the spirit that gave France the strength to hold back Japan in the War of 1812! It's not the spirit that helped the Neanderthals invent the light bulb! It's not the kind of spirit that let da Vinci build the Eiffel Tower in London! AND IT'S NOT MY KIND OF SPIRIT! We are getting out of here!"

Hobbes blinked at Calvin. "I think you got all of those historical 'facts' wrong," he said.

"WHATEVER!" screamed Calvin. "Who in all the world cares about history? It's the past! Why do I need to know about the story of how Abraham Lincoln invented the phonograph?"

"That was Thomas Edison," said Hobbes.

"NO IT WASN'T!" screamed Calvin.

Hobbes decided to stop arguing. Calvin could invent a time machine using a cardboard box and an ordinary black marker, but when it came to history...well, let's just say he was a couple pliers short of a toolbox.

**A/N: In case you couldn't tell, this is the first of the many repeating themes in my stories: Calvin mixing up historical facts and believing his own mistakes. I plan to include a few others, and you can help. Just include the thing you would like to become a fad in a review. **

Calvin began to think. "Okay," he said aloud. "If I can gather the necessary raw materials, I might be able to make a filter out of them. I need silicon, copper...oh, and I'll need a ruby to beam particles through."

Hobbes sighed. "Well, as long as we're here, I may as well take a look at something," he said. He reached into the box and pulled out a pair of binoculars. He faced the distant pyramid again and looked through the lenses.

He froze. He had seen something that was completely and utterly impossible. There was no way it could be true... and yet it was right there.

"Calvin?" he called, getting Calvin's attention. "Check this out. There's something going on over there...and you'll want to see it."

Calvin took the binoculars and looked at the site of the pyramid...and his mouth fell open.

Some of the blocks weren't being pulled up with ropes at all. Some of them were simply...floating up the ramp and into place. There was a hazy red outline around the floating blocks, as if they were nothing more than a mirage. But the strange blocks had to be real, because other blocks were on the way to sit on top of them!

Calvin began to scan the construction site. It only took a few seconds to find what was causing the strange floating effect...and what he saw surprised him more than the flying blocks of stone.

Standing in front of the pyramid was a man in a white robe. He seemed to be some kind of priest. He held a small red object in his hands, and when he waved it at a block of stone, the block lifted into the air and began to move up the ramp on its own. Calvin leaned closer to see what the small object was.

"Good lord," he whispered.

Clutched in the man's hand was a third pillar. It was a deep red color, and it seemed to flop around, almost as if it was made of...

"...rubber," Calvin whispered. "It's made of artificially strengthened rubber."

"What is?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin looked up at him and grinned. "I think I found our ticket home," he said. "Help me drag the box; I have a plan for getting that pillar."

"Oh, good," sighed Hobbes, rolling his eyes. "I **never** like your plans."

**Yes, it's another cliffie. I'm sorry. Hopefully I'll be able to not put a cliffie at the end of Chapter 6... **

**Okay, you know what? I can't do it. I just can't lie to all of you. There's going to be cliffies for pretty much the rest of the book (maybe the rest of the series). That's another recurring theme in my writing: cliffies. **

**I've made a few changes with my stories; for one thing, I deleted my Mario story because it was really poorly thought-out and no one reviewed it. I still plan to work on my _Kingdom Hearts_ story, but that's on the back burner at this point; I'm into C&H right now. Speaking of which, I know Hobbes has been a little OOC recently; he's going to have to stay that way for the rest of the story, and then he'll go back to his normal lazy cowardly self. But at this point, he has to be a bit more adventurous than usual. **

**I also have plans for another C&H story entitled _Fun and Games_. That should be up soon, but I want to focus on CQ for now. The other story will be pre-CQ, and I may make references to that story later in the CQ series. But you don't have to worry about missing stuff; it's still an entirely separate story from CQ, even though they take place in the same storyline. Basically, you can read one without reading the other. So far _Fun and Games_ is planned as a stand-alone story and not a series, but if people like it, I may continue. **

**As I said, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time; I've just been busy. But now I'm settling down, and I'm ready to go again. Hopefully it won't take another 2 and a half months to publish Chapter 6. Just because I'm in a good mood, I'm going to give you the chapter title now instead of later. It's called "The Pillar Heist." **

**R&R! **


	6. Chapter 6: The Pillar Hiest

Chapter 6: The Pillar Heist 

**A/N: Hey there! It's that time once more: time for me to give you answers to the cliffie at the end of the previous chapter! I'm sorry about all the cliffies, and I WILL try to make at least one chapter in this story not a big cliffie like the others. I would like to warn you now that I plan to have a cliffie at the end of this one, too. JSYK. (If you are a total no0b like me, that means "just so you know." JSYK.) **

**But anyway, let's answer those questions! Last time on _Calvin's Quest_, Calvin and Hobbes had been trapped four thousand years in the past. However, they had seen a third pillar, which they may be able to use as a way to fix the time machine. Calvin had come up with a plan to steal the Rubber Pillar...but will it succeed? Now we will finally see! **

* * *

"THAT'S your plan?" asked Hobbes.

"Yeah, pretty much," said Calvin. "That covers all the major details, at least."

"There's no WAY this plan could work," said Hobbes. "There's too much left to chance."

"It's better than saying we're time travelers from four thousand years in the future and we need their magic pillar to repair our flying box to get home."

"True," admitted the tiger. "But shouldn't we think the plan through a bit more?"

"No!" said Calvin. "George Washington never wasted time over-thinking things when he was leading his troop to victory in the Battle of Waterloo during World War I!"

Hobbes didn't argue this time; there was obviously no point. "Fine," he muttered. "We'll do it. But if this starts to go south, I'm getting out of there."

"Deal," said Calvin. "Now let's do this."

Slowly Calvin and Hobbes crept up the pyramid. They exchanged a look, then started to climb the side of the huge structure. Thankfully it wasn't a smooth surface like photos and long-distance views made it seem; rather, it was dozens of smaller and smaller layers stacked on top of each other.

Eventually Calvin and Hobbes made it to the level that the ramp ended on; if Calvin's memory served well (a very big if), there would one day be about seven levels on top of it. Calvin crouched behind a large block of stone.

"Are you SURE this is a good idea?" asked Hobbes. "I don't have a microwave; it's kind of unsanitary."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Just pretend it's tuna," he said.

"It's not the same," said Hobbes.

Calvin sighed. Hobbes always did this kind of thing in the middle of a plan. "Fine," he muttered. "You don't have to eat them. Just create a diversion- something that'll bring the head priest up here."

"Will do," said Hobbes.

With that, the tiger leaped out from the block and gave a massive roar that Calvin later swore could probably have been heard all the way at the base of the pyramid.

There was instant panic. The slaves abandoned all the blocks and ran around screaming. Hobbes, crouched on all fours, was growling at the slaves.

Calvin peeked out. He slowly looped one arm over the edge of the time machine, which he and Hobbes had pulled up the side of the pyramid. He took a moment to peek from his hiding place and look down the ramp at the lower areas of the construction site.

What he saw delighted him.

Just as he had expected, the priest was headed up onto the ramp. Clearly the arrival of a (seemingly) insanely mad tiger was enough to prompt him to come onto the scene. He arrived, withdrew the Rubber Pillar, and (Calvin took a fast breath at this point) used it to levitate Hobbes into the air.

"Hey!" muttered Hobbes so quietly no one else on the site could hear it. "This wasn't the plan!"

What WAS part of the plan was what Calvin did next.

What he did was this: as soon as the priest had pointed the pillar at Hobbes, Calvin sprinted out from the block that he had hidden behind. With a dramatic yell, he crashed into the head priest's legs, sending them both tumbling over. In the resulting commotion, the Rubber Pillar began to roll off with no one watching it.

No one except Hobbes, that is. Having been sent back to the ground when the priest fell down, he sprinted over to the pillar and grabbed it.

"I got it!" he shouted to Calvin.

Calvin leaped up. "Great!" he yelled. "Now hurry and drag the box over to the ramp!"

Hobbes quickly grabbed the time machine from where Calvin had left it just next to the block. He pulled it over to the edge of the ramp.

The head priest stood up. He was shouting words that Calvin could only assume was ancient Egyptian swearing. But there was no time to waste; there was a timestream that was just waiting to be ridden.

Calvin leaped into the box. "GO!" he screamed.

Hobbes pushed the box off. With one shove, they were sliding down the ramp. Steadying himself, Calvin slammed the Rubber Pillar onto the red circle on the floor of the time machine.

There was a loud hum from the control panel, and the static that had filled the screens just seconds before ceased, revealing active screens.

"Yes!" shouted Calvin, leaping to the controls. "I've got control! But...no!"

He pounded the controls in frustration and said a word that would have gotten him grounded for two months if his parents had heard him say it.

"What is it?" asked Hobbes.

"The system has to reboot!" shouted Calvin. "It'll take at least three minutes to finish reinstalling all the programs and files that were corrupted by the particle shower!"

"Oh," said Hobbes. He looked back at the head priest, who was now chasing after them down the ramp. "So we're doomed. I should've known."

Suddenly Calvin noticed something: just below where the box was at that moment, the ramp branched off into the interior of the pyramid. It was a sharp enough turn it would take the priest extra effort to make the turn, but not a sharp enough turn that the box would fly off the ramp.

"New plan!" shouted Calvin. "Lean right!"

There was no time to argue. Calvin and Hobbes leaned right. The box slid from the main ramp onto the branch-off section. Calvin looked back and saw, to his delight, that the priest had completely stopped chasing them.

"Good," sighed Calvin, sliding to the floor of the box. "Now we'll just hide out in here for a couple minutes; then we'll start the time machine, get back home, and trace those other three pillars with a computer."

Hobbes didn't answer.

"What's wrong?" asked Calvin, turning to the tiger.

Hobbes didn't answer. He just pointed forwards, down the tunnel they were now hurtling through. Calvin looked.

He froze. He gaped. He suddenly understood why that priest had decided not to follow them forward.

He had assumed they were as good as dead anyway.

Calvin remembered seeing a diagram of the interior of the Great Pyramid at some museum, having run past it on a mad rush to find the dinosaurs. He remembered a chamber, located below the pyramid, the purpose of which remained unknown.

Well, it wasn't unknown anymore: it had been built so people didn't fall into the giant freaking cave below it. Too bad it hadn't been built yet. The cave loomed in front of the fast-approaching box, so huge they couldn't see the distant far wall.

Calvin looked at the countdown clock. It read 71%.

"It's not fast enough!" called Calvin.

"Jab the button!" exclaimed Hobbes. "Then you'll get us out of here as fast as possible!"

"I can't!" shouted Calvin. "If I start the time thrusters before the system fully reboots, it'll cause a systems failure and the countdown will reset! It'll make things worse!"

82%...83%...84%...

"We have to do SOMETHING!" screamed Hobbes.

"I'll push the button as soon as the system resets! With a bit of luck, we won't be dead by then!"

The box reached the edge of the cliff and went over.

The cave was even larger than they had expected. Not only was it too large to see across, it went deeper than their eyes could see. But that wouldn't last long, because the box was going down. Fast.

91%...92%...93%...

Calvin stared at the countdown. It seemed to be going impossibly slowly. The box kept falling.

"GOODBYE, WORLD!" screamed Hobbes. "I hope there's tuna in heaven!"

The floor suddenly loomed out of the darkness. There were only a few seconds to impact...

98%...99%...100%!

The screens blacked out for a moment, and then all the data charts appeared again. Without hesitating one precious moment, without even setting temporal coordinates, Calvin jabbed the "Start" button.

At that moment, the worst thing possible occurred.

The screens blacked out.

Calvin couldn't understand what was happening. He'd waited until the system was back online! What had...?

Just then, a single screen came back on. It displayed... the login menu.

Calvin's heart sank. He'd forgotten: if the thrusters got activated without specific coordinates, a failsafe protection system activated that shut them down and locked up all the functions except life-support. There were mere seconds left until the time machine and both its passengers went splat. It would take at least a minute for Calvin to key in his access code and enter coordinates.

There was no hope. It was over.

Or was it?

Suddenly Calvin's head shot up. He had suspected that something like this would happen, and he had left himself a way out. He lunged to the back of the box, where the panel housing the backup systems sat waiting. Realizing it might be the last thing he ever did, Calvin slammed his hand onto a purple button marked "Emergency Time-Space Reentry."

For a heartbeat, nothing happened. The floor was just a second away...

And then there was a flash of light so bright, Calvin's eyes were momentarily blinded. He closed his eyes to block out the glare. When he opened them, he was surrounded by a tunnel of golden light.

They were back in time-space.

Hobbes looked up. He gazed at the timestream in total shock. He couldn't believe he was still alive.

"What happened?" he asked. "The screens are broken, but we're alive!"

Calvin smiled. "Silly tiger!" he said. "Public vehicles are required to have an emergency exit!"

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other...and burst out laughing.

* * *

**What do you know? I managed to end a chapter in a way that wasn't a cliffie! I told you I had it in me! **

**Don't worry, the story isn't done yet; not even close to it. Another chapter should be coming up soon, as well as my new story, _Calvin and Hobbes: Illusion Escape_ (in case you couldn't guess, that's the new title for _Fun and Games_). **

**R&R! **


	7. Interview With the Author

Interview with the Author 

Hey there! And before you say anything, I understand that this kind of thing is probably the last thing you want in this story. But hear me out: there will be some details about the future of this story later in the interview, so you should read it if you don't mind some spoilers.

I'll be doing this in Q&A format. Deal with it.

**Q: How did you get into _Calvin and Hobbes_ stories?  
**A: Well, Calvin and Hobbes has been a big inspiration for my writing for years. Before I knew about fanfiction, I had already made several adventures that had their own unique storyline, but which I could see Calvin participating in, and often even leading. Once I found out about fanfiction, there was no stopping me from putting Calvin in those scenarios.

**Q: What inspired _Calvin's Quest_?  
**A: Well, there's no good answer to that question. The series is obviously based heavily (at least at first) on book three in the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ series, which is called _Life, the Universe, and Everything_. That book also features a set of pillars that serves a very important role. The pillars' designs, however, came from the old _Jimmy Neutron_ game for the PS2. I know, it's kind of lame now, but when I was about six, that series RULED. (I still think about it now and then, usually to compare it to C&H.) The game's first level featured six objects you had to retrieve, which formed loose inspiration for the designs of the pillars. The JN game is an integral part of the first story arc, but will end after that.

**Q: Why is Hobbes a little OOC in these chapters?  
**A: I already explained this one in an author's note earlier in the story. Normally Hobbes spends most of the day napping in the sunlight, is terrified of Calvin's plans, and takes any opportunity to duck out. That doesn't work in the storyline I currently have planned, so he has to be at least a bit more adventurous in this story. I'll try to fix that in other stories, but I don't know if it's possible in CQ. At the very earliest, it'll have to wait for the second book. It might even have to wait for the second story arc.

**Q: Will the readers feature into CQ at all?  
**A: You know, I really never thought much about it. I didn't originally write this story for fanfiction, so I never planned for much reader involvement when I made the outlines. But I do have plans to include the readers later in book one. The reason I'm doing this is because one particular area of story just doesn't work now that I look at it closely. But mostly, I want to keep the story as much my own as possible. Reader input will feature much more heavily in my next upcoming story, _Calvin and Hobbes: Illusion Escape_.

**Q: Do you plan to make a YouTube audio recording for _Calvin's Quest_ or any of your other stories?  
**A: No. I've heard that a few people, including the Element Commander, post "audiobooks" of some of their fanfics on YouTube. (In EC's case, it's the awesome story _We are the Smashers_.) I will not be doing this because 1) I do not have a recording or editing program, and 2) there's no chance I'd be able to do enough voices.

**Q: What exactly are the "pillars" that are mentioned in CQ?  
**A: That's an interesting question; I'm sure the readers have been wondering the same thing. I can say right here that the pillars turn out to be EXTREMELY important, and that it's not a coincidence Calvin and Hobbes have found them, and that the symbol appeared in the time machine. Rest assured, while the pillar mystery may not be resolved in book 1 (and you'll have to trust me on that; there WILL be unanswered questions, and a lot of them), the pillars WILL make sense by the end of the series. They're kind of explained during a conversation at the beginning of book 5, and we slowly get a bit of insight into them in the intervening time. However, for now they'll remain a big mystery.

**Q: Can you please give us a hint about the pillars?  
**A: Well, since you asked nicely, I suppose I can give away two things. First, the pillars are old. VERY old. I won't say how they got scattered across time yet, thought. Second, as you have seen, the pillars have individual powers. (Like the Rubber Pillar can levitate stuff.) Each pillar has a different power, and when brought together, the pillars have another, even more awesome power.

**Q: What else can you tell us about what's in store in the series?  
**A: I don't want to spoil too much; you'll find out basically everything in due course. However, I can say that even now in the story, Calvin and Hobbes are in the middle of one of their biggest adventures ever. They've had some awesome and crazy adventures in the past (as you'll see in the stories set chronologically before this), but I can definitely say that this is their biggest adventure yet. All the events so far: the pillars, the time machine crashing, the pyramid...all of them have been orchestrated by one person.

**Q: ...well?  
**A: Well, what?

**Q: Are you going to tell us who that person is? **A: Ah, now that's the real question. You've never seen this person before; I completely came up with him. (That's a bit of a spoiler right there; it's a guy.) But I will say this much: the person controlling these events has a **lot** of control over things; he's been watching Calvin and Hobbes for a while; and he's at least as smart and inventive as Calvin himself. I don't want to say anything more about him. Where his true loyalties lie, how he's been influencing events, just what he plans for Calvin and Hobbes...that's going to have to wait.

**Q: You mentioned on your profile that your stories will be set in the same universe as edly15's. Will his fanfics mention CQ?  
**A: Not that I know of. I haven't told him much about what I have planned for CQ, and I highly doubt he'd would even be able to incorporate this much stuff into one of his stories without it being co-authored. I plan to keep this story pretty much self-contained, without spilling into any other stories. The story may be referred to in the stories directly after and before it in my timeline, but otherwise this story will just be something that my framework is set around.

**Q: Do you have anything else to say about the future of this story?  
**A: Well, I do have a couple things to say. As a few people have seen on my profile, I have added the titles of books 2 and 3 to my list of stories in my C&H timeline. I have also added 4, 5, and 6, but for now I have only revealed parts of the titles. As for this story, I can say that while Calvin and Hobbes may seem to be out of danger, their troubles aren't even close to over.

Well, that's all I can disclose for now. See you on the next chapter! As a treat, I'll tell you what it's called. I will call it... "Chapter 7: Epic Fail." See you then!

R&R!


	8. Chapter 7: Epic Fail

Chapter 7: Epic Fail 

**A/N: Um... (awkward pause)... listen, I'm SO sorry it's been a while since I updated! I meant to update WAY sooner, but I've just had a lot of other stuff going on. At least I had the interview for filler, right? (Looks around for support.) Okay, I'm sorry. Just...here you go. **

It took a while for Calvin and Hobbes to stop laughing and rolling on the cardboard box's floor. After a couple of minutes (or it could have been several hundred years; there was really no way to tell), Hobbes calmed down enough to ask a question.

"No, seriously," he said. "How did we survive there?"

"Well," said Calvin, breathing hard to prevent rolling back onto the floor, "I wasn't far from the truth. Back when I was making the time machine, I had a feeling we'd get in a situation like this."

"You did?" asked Hobbes. "You weren't kidding back when you said you thought of everything."

"I know," said Calvin. "So I figured, 'How would we get out of a situation where all the screens were shut down and I was locked out of the system?' So I included a button that would send us back into time-space in an emergency."

"Ah," said Hobbes. "I knew I wouldn't get it."

"I hit this purple button," said Calvin, gesturing.

"Oh," said Hobbes. "That I understand."

Calvin walked over to the control panels and began to enter his access code. "Okay," he said. "Now I just have to log in, enter the coordinates, and fly us back home. It looks like we're all clear."

Hobbes glared at him. "You shouldn't say that kind of thing," he snapped.

"What?" asked Calvin.

"Each time you say something like 'It looks like we're all clear', something worse happens," said Hobbes.

"Oh, come on," said Calvin. "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"That's another sign things are going to get worse in a big hurry," said Hobbes.

Calvin sighed and turned back to the screens. Since he had just logged in, all the screens were active. He started to enter the temporal and spatial coordinates of his house.

Then he paused. "You know something?" he asked. "I still haven't figured out what all the pillars do. I'll just have the ship go on autopilot while we try to figure it out."

"Aaaand that's the third sign," muttered Hobbes. "You trust your inventions with something like that."

Calvin finished entering the coordinates, turned on the autopilot with the flip of a switch, and sat down by Hobbes on the floor of the time machine.

"Okay," he said. "What do we know?"

"We know that something bad is about to happen," the tiger said.

"Oh shut up," snapped Calvin. He then went back to a normal tone. "We currently have three pillars, which I think all have their own unique abilities. The rubber pillar, as we have already seen, has the power to levitate things. I have a device which can help us figure out the others."

From a pocket in his pants, Calvin withdrew a metallic cylinder.

"A laser pointer?" asked Hobbes. "Really?"

"This isn't just ANY laser pointer," said Calvin. "It's a device I made to help us calculate the atomic radiation of an object. It'll help us analyze the power of the pillars."

"I have a question," said Hobbes, raising his paw.

"Yes?" asked Calvin, rather taken aback by the tiger's sudden participation.

"Exactly how much of this crazy stuff did you suspect was going to happen?"

Calvin glared at him for a good ten seconds. "Can I go on now?" he asked.

"I'm not stopping you," said Hobbes. "I just asked an honest question."

"It never hurts to be prepared," said Calvin. "It didn't hurt Bill Clinton when he led the Spanish to victory at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"Okay," said Hobbes, finally getting fed up with what he had to assume was the result of Calvin's general lack of attention in history class. "First of all, Bill Clinton was born over a hundred years after the Battle of Little Big Horn was fought; second, the Spanish weren't even in that battle; and third..."

"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Calvin. "CAN I JUST GET ON WITH IT?"

"Fine," said Hobbes, somehow calm again.

Calvin sighed, then directed the laser pointer so that it shone on the Rubber Pillar. "I'm going to test the device on this one," he said.

"Nothing's happening," said Hobbes obviously.

"That's because I haven't set it to analysis mode," said Calvin, as if this should have been apparent. He sighed and flipped the switch to change modes.

A red haze glowed around the pillar. A moment later, Hobbes was lifted up into the air and slammed hard into the floor of the time machine.

"Ow," he moaned.

"EPIC FAIL!" shouted Calvin gleefully. "Oh, revenge is sweet!"

Hobbes pulled himself up. He was about to scream at Calvin when he noticed something odd.

"Um, Calvin?" he asked. "I think that crash sent us off course."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Calvin. "The autopilot has never failed yet during a trip. It would take a lot more than your epic fail just then to knock us off course."

But Hobbes had suddenly struck by a memory...one he didn't like.

"Calvin?" he asked again. "You know how you had to fix the autopilot because the Calvinball broke it a couple of months ago?"

"Yeah," said Calvin. "Why?"

"When did you fix it?" asked Hobbes.

Suddenly Calvin froze. His eyes slowly traveled up to the error light flashing next to the autopilot switch.

"I didn't," he said quietly.

Hobbes glared at Calvin harder than he ever had for as long as they had been friends. The box was now headed for the wall of the timestream.

"Um...epic fail?" said Calvin weakly as for the second time in the course of this seven-chapter-long story, the time machine crashed through the wall of the timestream, set on a crash-course for an unknown destination.

**Well...there's another cliffie for you! I know, I have a serious cliffie addiction. I should have my doctor give that a check. **

**I'm really sorry again that I took a long time on the posting. I would like to say that I have decided to place **_**C&H: Illusion Escape**_** on hiatus until further notice. I'll probably still do it, but not right now. However, there's another story I definitely WILL post pretty soon. Check my profile for details; it's called **_**Discovery of the Orb**_**. It will be part one of **_**The Orb Saga**_**, and it's NOT based on **_**Amnesia: The Dark Descent**_**. **

**Yes, I am going to make "epic fail" Calvin's catch-phrase. **

**R&R! **


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Crash-Landings and Magic Carpets 

"Wow," muttered Hobbes, clambering out of the box. "I can't believe you crashed our time machine twice in one day. That's got to be a new record, even for you."

"What do you mean _I_ crashed it twice?" exclaimed Calvin. "It's not MY fault the Plastic Pillar crashed into us while in time-space!"

"Fine," said Hobbes. "You've crashed us once. So it's up to you to fix this."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said. "I'll get to it right away. Just go take a nap or whatever."

"I will, thanks," muttered Hobbes, climbing back into the box.

Calvin rolled his eyes and pulled out his scanner. First he had to figure out where and when they were. All that he had to do after that was plot a course between their present (no pun intended) location and their destination.

Within a couple minutes he had used his scanner to get the following results:

- They had crash-landed in about 1500 A.D.

- They had landed in a cave somewhere in theMiddle East.

And that was about it.

Calvin sighed. "I'm done, Hobbes," he said. "Let's get out of here now." He turned towards Hobbes...to see that he was staring out past Calvin in astonishment.

Calvin turned as well...and saw something impossible. And that was coming from _him_.

Calvin was standing at the edge of a ledge. Below that ledge, the cave dropped away to unseen depths. High above them, stalactites hung from the cave's ceiling.

Floating through the void towards them was a carpet.

Really.

I'm not kidding.

I am dead serious right now.

"Hobbes?" asked Calvin. "Why is that thing flying?"

"Did you activate the Rubber Pillar?" asked Hobbes.

"No."

"Then I have no idea."

The carpet reached the edge of the cliff. Calvin slowly walked over and touched it. Nothing happened. He put one foot on it. Nothing continued to happen. He slowly moved his weight to that foot. Nothing else happened. He stepped onto that foot. This nothing happening was getting old.

"It's safe," said Calvin. "It's just a flying carpet. There doesn't seem to be anything dangerous about it."

"But it's a flying carpet," said Hobbes.

"You know," said Calvin, "considering we've been in so many weird situations, you'd think stuff like this would stop fazing us."

"But it hasn't," said Hobbes, sighing.

"Nope," agreed Calvin.

Hobbes climbed out of the box and clambered onto the carpet as well. "You're right," he said. "It looks like there's nothing- WHOA!"

As soon as Hobbes had stepped on, the carpet began to move again. Hobbes screamed and turned to leap back onto the ledge, but it was already too far away.

"Sit down!" shouted Calvin. "You'll throw us both off the carpet!"

"But the box!" protested Hobbes.

"I think the carpet's taking us to where we need to be. It'll probably bring us back when we've done what we have to do here."

"How do you know?"

"Just a hunch."

The carpet flew on through the cave.

* * *

**And there you are! I know, I know, it sucked, but I know you want SOMETHING, and this is a particularly dry bit of the book. **

**Once again, I'm sorry. I feel horrible about leaving you on a cliffie for so long. I appreciate all your reviews; every one is special to me. I know a lot of people say the same thing, but it's really true for me; you're all special and amazing and awesome people for reviewing me. It's an honor to write for you. So...are we good? **

**(By the way, bigdouble59, how exactly did you find out the new pillar was going to be gold-colored? I didn't know I ever discussed it. But anyway, yes, it's a golden-colored pillar, but it's not actually gold, and despite the great suggestion, I'm not calling it the Metal Pillar. You will see why later. I will use it on another pillar later on, though, since my name sucked and I hate it now. If you want to know what it WILL be called, here's a hint: as you already know, the series is based on the old _Jimmy Neutron_ game for the PS2. Play that, and you'll have an idea what's coming next.) **

**R&R! **


	10. Chapter 9: The Genie

Chapter 9 (YES!): The Genie 

**A/N: I have nothing to say to excuse myself. I am truly sorry. I apologize to each and every one of you I have left hanging, and I hope these two chapters will make up for it. **

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes floated through the immense caves on the flying carpet. All around them immense stalagmites and stalactites loomed in the darkness, looking like gigantic teeth of some huge monsters. Calvin really hoped that this whole cave wasn't just some giant beast's mouth.

"I don't get it," said Hobbes suddenly. "I mean, a few minutes ago we were flying a time machine, and suddenly we're on a magic carpet? Doesn't it all seem a bit...I don't know, contradictory?"

"Not really," said Calvin, shrugging. "I've always felt that science and magic weren't mutually exclusive."

Hobbes gave Calvin a weird look. "How did you work that one out?" he asked in surprise.

"Simple," said Calvin, beginning to explain. "At their most level, neither magic nor science has any specific kind of definition, except in that they are fundamentally opposite to each other. Therefore, you can only define each one as a power or ability to contradict the other. Therefore, anything that falls outside of what we call science must be known as magic, even if it has a logical explanation."

There was an awkward pause.

"Somehow I think these adventures are going to abuse the heck out of that argument," Calvin added.

"Yep," said Hobbes.

Suddenly, an immense ledge loomed out of the gloom. Calvin and Hobbes leapt up, which somehow didn't flip the carpet. The carpet reached the ledge and the friends stepped off the carpet, gazing up where they had arrived. The carpet slid away back into the darkness, but neither was looking at it anymore. They were staring at the sight which lay before them.

The ledge they were standing on was a bridge of stone which crossed the gap between the cave walls, a distance of about a quarter of a mile. The bridge was approximately 30 feet long and five feet deep. Beyond the bridge was a huge waterfall, one of those Niagara-type waterfalls which forms an immense semicircle.

"Whoa," breathed Calvin.

"Yeah," agreed Hobbes.

But it was what was floating in-between the waterfall and the bridge that was truly impressive.

In the gap between the falls and the bridge floated so many floating rocks it was impossible to count them. These rocks were of varying sizes- the smallest were no more than pebbles, while the largest were the size of cars. The drifting rocks formed a sort of loose sphere that seemed to revolve around a second carpet, with a figure standing on it.

"What's that up there?" asked Hobbes, squinting to try and make out the figure.

"I'll check," said Calvin. He pulled his plastic pair of binoculars from his back pocket and looked through them.

...and don't ask me how he managed to fit a whole pair of binoculars into a pocket.

Calvin focused the binoculars, trying to get a close-up on the figure. He frowned. The figure always seemed to be too close up based on the background...unless...

Calvin's eyes widened. "Holy #$%," he whispered. "Hobbes, you might want to see this."

Hobbes grabbed the binoculars, put them to his eyes... and gasped in astonishment.

The figure on the carpet was a man. He was wearing a turban, silken pants, and no shirt whatsoever. The thing that shocked Calvin and Hobbes was his height: judging from a few rocks nearby, he was a good ten feet tall! He seemed to be meditating, with one hand held up. In his hand was some kind of orb of purple smoke, around which all of the stones seemed to be revolving. There was only a single word that Hobbes could think of to describe the man.

"He's a genie," he said.

"Yeah," agreed Calvin. "And that's not it. Look at the thing in front of him."

Hobbes shifted the binoculars...and his eyes widened. And since he had already widened his eyes upon seeing the genie, this was quite a sight. His eyes were now a diameter rarely seen other than the times when Hobbes pounced on Calvin when the boy came home from school.

Sitting on the carpet in front of the genie was another pillar.

"Well," said Calvin, "looks like we've got some work to do."

"NO," said Hobbes flatly, turning around quickly and throwing the binoculars back to Calvin. "No way. That old priest was one thing, but we are NOT going to rob a genie! That guy could just zap us and...do pretty much anything he wanted! And how would we even get there?"

"Like this," said Calvin. He pulled out a piece of paper and pencil- again from his seemingly infinite back pocket- and started to draw. As he drew, he explained his plan. As he finished, he looked up at Hobbes.

"Got it," he said, grinning. "Now, are we ready to do it yet, or should I go over it again?"

"Wait," said Hobbes. "Isn't this...incredibly risky? If we don't do this right..."

"We will," said Calvin. "So, let's go over the plan one more time. First, we'll hop up the columns and wait for the Big Carpet to come into position. Then, once it comes into position, we'll jump on. I'll go left, you go right, and we'll converge in front of him."

"And what if he attacks?" asked Hobbes in concern.

"Run," said Calvin simply. "Duck left and right. It will be exactly like a game of Spleef in _Minecraft_. Eventually, if we play our cards right, he'll either have stop the attacks or else risk falling himself."

"But in Spleef, your player can respawn," Hobbes said in objected. "We don't respawn if we die."

"Don't worry," said Calvin. "We just have to grab the pillar and jump back onto the platforms. Then we climb up into the box, keep the pillar the heck away from the symbol on the floor, and boom! We're home-free!"

"I don't know," said Hobbes slowly. "There's so many parts of this plan that could go wrong."

"I, for one, think we can do it," said Calvin. "Listen, if we don't do this, that pillar may vanish forever, and there's a good chance we'll never find out what this whole quest is all about."

"Quest?" repeated Hobbes.

"Yeah," said Calvin defensively. "We're going on this big adventure to find stuff and return home. It's a quest."

"Uh-huh," said Hobbes, nodding slowly.

"Well, are you in or out?" snapped Calvin. "Because in a few seconds, I'm going to activate the plan whether or not you're in."

"I'm in," said Hobbes.

"Really?" asked Calvin in surprise. "Why?"

"You're my ride home," said Hobbes simply. "I can't work the time machine. If you get killed, I'm stuck here."

"Alright then," said Calvin with a grin. "Then why are we waiting here? We've got a genie to rob!"


	11. Chapter 10: Luck of the Draw

Chapter 10: Luck of the Draw 

**A/N: Another chapter! And this one's a biggie! Hope you enjoy! **

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes stood, looking over the edge of the ledge. They looked at the pool of white water and rocks the huge waterfall emptied into. Falling would not be pleasant, or indeed survivable, especially from this height.

"We could back out, you know," said Hobbes, gulping quietly. "We could just ride the carpet back to the box and get out of here."

"No," insisted Calvin. "Then we'd never find the pillar again. We need to know why this stuff is happening. Listen to me: finding one pillar is pure luck, two is a coincidence, and three is spooky, but four pillars means someone wants us to find these pillars. It's like I said: it's a quest."

"Then why wouldn't they just give us the pillars in the first place?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin grinned. "That's the bazillion-dollar-question," he said. "Let's make sure we find out the answer."

And with that, all doubt was gone. The two were in it until the end.

Neither of them wanted to think about quite how soon "the end" might be.

"Alright," said Calvin, carefully calculating. "In a few seconds, that rock right there will pass near enough to us to jump on top of it. Once we've done that, we'll climb over a series of other rocks until we reach the genie. Then we stay with the plan."

Hobbes gulped again. "Um...I don't know if this is the best idea you've ever had," he said. "In fact, I'd guess that you've managed to finally top yourself, even including that suicide box-sled run down the pyramid death tunnel."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "On three," he said. "One... two..."

"Did I mention this is a bad idea?" asked Hobbes.

"THREE!" exclaimed Calvin.

With that, the two leapt onto the rock Calvin had first pointed to. It was a rough landing, but they made it. Calvin leapt to his feet and began to survey the rock's trajectory.

"There!" he exclaimed, pointing to another rock. "We go in three...two...one...now!"

The two leapt to the next rock. Calvin landed in a heap on top of Hobbes, but he immediately leapt off to see what rock to jump to next.

And so began the game of trying to get to the carpet. It was tricky; the rocks seemed to obey different gravitational laws than the boy or the tiger, falling not towards the water below but around the genie's carpet. Calvin and Hobbes, on the other hand, were firmly dragged on by the ground. They tried hard not to look down, but it was tricky.

Finally, the two made it to a small rock which would, Calvin calculated, take them directly above the carpet upon which the genie sat. The rock slowly floated above the edge of the carpet, giving the two a good view of the meditating genie...all 10 feet of him.

"This is the worst idea ever," moaned Hobbes.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," snapped Calvin. "As long as we stick to the plan, we'll be fine."

"Need I remind you that your last plan almost got both of us killed?" snapped Hobbes.

"That's because going off on that side ramp, taking the box down the corridor in the pyramid, falling off of a cliff, getting locked out of the system, and having to bail out into time-space at the last second was deviating from the plan!" retorted Calvin. "This time nothing will go wrong! Now on four this time."

"Why four?" asked Hobbes in confusion.

"Because four is a better number than three," said the boy, rolling his eyes. "One...two...three...FOUR!"

Calvin leapt off the rock and onto the carpet, hitting it with a somersault. A moment later, Hobbes followed. They began to run in zigzags around the carpet, running in crazy circles until they finally slammed right into each other and got knocked flat.

"We're dead," moaned Hobbes, covering his head.

Calvin, however, just frowned. The genie had made no move to attack them. He was just sitting there, the pillar on the carpet in front of him.

Hobbes lifted his head slightly. "Is... is it safe?" asked the tiger in confusion.

"I think so," said Calvin in disbelief. "I guess he's too deep in meditation to notice us."

At that moment, the genie's eyes shot open and looked right at Calvin and Hobbes.

"We're dead," repeated Hobbes, covering his face yet again.

Calvin began to tremble. "Um..." he began, "yeah, this probably looks really bad, but we're just...rug cleaners. Uh, yeah. We're here to clean your interesting flying carpet and I...that is to say, we...oh, who am I kidding, I'm screwed."

The genie continued to stare at Calvin quietly. Making no noise, he stretched and stood up to his full height of over twelve feet; he was even taller than Calvin had guessed! He looked down at the two...and smiled.

"Do not worry," he said in a friendly voice. "You two are the most interesting thing that has happened here since I began to meditate three hundred years ago."

Calvin blinked. He couldn't believe they had gotten so lucky. "You mean...you're not going to kill us for trying to steal your pillar?" he asked hopefully.

The genie chuckled. "On the contrary," he said, "I was only protecting this pillar for you."

Of all the things Calvin had been anticipating, this had been way below last. This did not compute. "Um..." Calvin began, but then he realized he had no idea how to continue that sentence, so he stopped.

"You see," said the genie, "I was assigned 6000 years ago to keep this pillar safe. The men who gave it to me said that it should be protected, and that I should protect it until it was claimed by the Chosen One and his protector. It was said that the Chosen One would be a human child, and that his protector would be a fierce tiger who walked like a man on two legs; it was also said that their quest would take the two to the edge of the world and the dawn of time."

Calvin considered what this last sentence meant. They had found the Scaly Pillar floating near the outer rim of the planet's atmosphere, which in a sense could be considered "the edge of the world". The "dawn of time" had to refer toEgypt, since it was the earliest great civilization known. Of greater significance was that Calvin was supposed to be the "Chosen One", and that this "quest" had been set forth by a mysterious secret society thousands of years ago.

Also, I used a lot of quotation marks in that paragraph.

Hobbes had by now gotten over his terror of the genie and come over to join Calvin. He had listened to the genie's story, and now he wanted to get out of here. "So can we get the pillar now?" he asked urgently. "I really don't like to be up high."

"By all means," said the genie. He waved a hand over the ball of purple mist, and the pillar levitated into Calvin's open hands.

Hobbes whistled. "That's a neat trick," he said.

Calvin was looking down at the pillar. He hadn't had a very good look at it back on the ledge. Now he could see its gold color did not come from its exterior; in fact, the pillar appeared to be made entirely of glass. The golden color that Calvin had seen was due to the fact that the pillar was filled to the brim with a strange glowing golden gas; as he stared at it in fascination, the gas condensed and expanded, so that the entire pillar seemed alive.

"What is that?" asked Calvin, staring at the billowing and shifting gas. "What's in there?"

The genie smiled. "Perhaps this will help you figure it out," he said. He waved his hand again, and a set of 6 dice appeared on the carpet next to Calvin.

Calvin handed the pillar to Hobbes and kneeled down to examine the dice. He rolled them a few times; each time he got a seemingly random result. He never got more than 2 sixes each time. Then he took the pillar back and rolled the dice again.

The next time he rolled the dice, five came up with 6.

Frowning, Calvin moved the pillar farther away. Then he rolled the dice again; four sixes. He moved the pillar to where he had held it originally. Five sixes again. Finally he moved the pillar to be right next to the dice. With trembling hands, he rolled once more.

All the dice came up with sixes.

"It's luck," he said. "Condensed luck. This is...it's the Luck Pillar."

The genie nodded. "Luck is a fundamental force built into the Universe," he said. "Genies like me work our feats of power by manipulating the flow of luck. When you roll a set of six dice, there is a one in 46,656 chance of getting six sixes. The pillar simply made that chance much more likely than the others."

Calvin nodded slowly. "So," he continued, "there must also be a possibility that those carpets and all the rocks may defy gravity, and you just made THAT more likely, too!"

"Indeed," said the genie.

"And," finished Calvin, "since it falls out of the scope of what science can accept, we call it magic!"

The genie nodded.

"That makes sense!" exclaimed Calvin, grinning.

"It does?" asked Hobbes, but he said it so quietly that Calvin could pretend he didn't hear it.

"Do you know where the rest of the pillars are?" asked Calvin eagerly.

The genie frowned. "I can see that there is much ahead of you. I can see that the sixth pillar is in a place so hot that you can scarcely imagine it. But the fifth pillar is shrouded from my sight. And the seventh..." He shook his head. "The seventh pillar you will have to find for yourself."

Calvin blinked. "The _seventh_ pillar?" he asked. "There were only six circles on the box!"

The genie shrugged. "I believe the seventh pillar must be placed onto the circle last," he said, "so its circle appears only once you have placed the other six."

"Oh," said Calvin, frowning as well. There were still a full three pillars to gather.

The three were silent for a while. Then Calvin said, "I guess we should be going, then. We've got work to do."

"Wait," said the genie. "I must tell you one last thing."

The two turned and looked up expectantly.

"I sense that these pillars are just the beginning of the quest you have embarked upon," said the genie. "You must face many hardships along the way. You will face isolation, peril, and loss before you can succeed. But I will grant you a piece of wisdom: even in the depths of despair, there will always be hope."

Calvin and Hobbes simultaneously nodded, both of the friends committing the phrase to memory.

They had no idea how true it would prove to be.

* * *

**A/N: And there you have it! Chapter 11 will be here soon- and I mean it this time. Sorry it took months; I promise that won't happen again. I WILL have Chapter 11 up soon, and it will include a special surprise...something I've never done before. **

**Until then, R&R! **


	12. Chapter 11: Homecoming

Chapter 11: Homecoming 

**A/N: Greetings, people of Earth! I have returned from the void of Writer's Block and risen to take my rightful place as the author of _Calvin's Quest_! Actually, I really did have writer's block this time and couldn't think of what to do. This chapter I will make a reference to another story; I do not plan to make this a crossover, but I thought it was a pretty cool reference. I will also be trying something different this time, something you guys will hopefully enjoy and that will allow me to relax and take some pressure off. **

Calvin and Hobbes stepped off the carpet and onto the ledge which held the time machine. They looked back once more at the floating rug.

"Yep," said Calvin. "We will definitely be abusing the heck out of that argument."

The two climbed into the box; Calvin carefully carried the Luck Pillar so as not to let it fall into place on the floor. That would have been bad. Once they were inside, he took a plastic bag and placed the pillar into it.

...where did he get that plastic bag, anyway?

"Alright," said Calvin, typing coordinates into the box. "We're finally heading home...for real this time."

He finished typing the coordinates and jammed the big starter button. The box lifted into the air and shot forwards. With a blast of light, the two were back in time-space.

The ride back was mercifully uneventful. On the way back to what we consider the present, the box passed a few very confused looking dinosaurs, a dead guy who might've been Jimmy Hoffa, and what appeared to be a man standing on a small rock with a black Kindle-type device in his hand and waving a towel at them.

"Freaking hitchhikers," muttered Calvin.

Finally Calvin spotted something. It was a light on the wall of the timestream, distant but coming up fast.

"That's our exit!" he exclaimed. He held onto the side of the box. Hobbes held onto Calvin. The box headed off to the side and crashed into the light; there was a blast of pure energy that seemed to encompass everything...

...and they were back in Calvin's room.

Calvin and Hobbes cautiously climbed out. The clock on the wall showed that no time had passed since they left. It was as if the adventure had never happened.

But it had happened. The four pillars proved that. And there were three more out there to find.

Calvin didn't waste any time. He quickly ran over and turned on his laptop. "No time to waste," he said. "We need to find the other pillars' temporal coordinates quickly. I've got software that can lock onto the pillars' energy signature and search the world for traces of that energy. Then we can go back to the time it was strongest. Any questions?"

"Yes," said Hobbes. "Why do we have to hurry? If we use the time machine to hunt the pillars, we could wait here as long as we want and arrive at the pillars at the same time regardless."

There was an awkward pause.

Three hours later, after having a snack, fighting over what to watch on TV, reading a few comic books, having a second snack, and playing some video games, the two were finally in the mood for some serious work.

Calvin opened up his laptop and used a strange object that looked like an iPad covered with buttons to scan in the energy from the Luck Pillar. Then he told his scan program to scan for this energy around the world and determine the point in history at which it would have been strongest.

And he's six years old. Yeah.

For a while Calvin and Hobbes simply sat around and read some more comics. Then after a while the program on the laptop made a small ping. Calvin instantly dropped his _Captain Napalm_ comic and ran to the screen, now filled by a map of the earth with seven blinking lights.

"Well?" asked Hobbes. "What does the computer say about the other pillars?"

Calvin examined the map. "Well, the strongest source of the energy is here in the house," said Calvin. "But that's coming from the present day, so it's just the pillars we have here. One source is floating just above the earth; that's the one we found in space."

"Wait," interrupted Hobbes. "But we found that one in the future. How is the scanner picking it up in the present?"

Calvin paused. "Hobbes, if you keep interrupting we'll never get anywhere," he snapped.

In case you're wondering, I don't know either.

"Anyway," said Calvin, turning back to the computer, "one of them is coming from above the house; that's where we normally take the box into time-space. That must be the Plastic Pillar. There's one in Egypt; that's the Rubber Pillar from Giza. There's one coming from the Middle East; that must be the Luck Pillar, which we just got. And the others on here are..."

Calvin's eyes widened. "Hobbes," he said quietly, "we have some work to do."

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I did another cliffie. But THIS time I actually had a good reason for it. In the original concept I came up with years ago, on the way back home after the genie incident, Calvin and Hobbes were supposed to land in an alternate dimension full of teeth to find the fifth pillar and then get stuck inside Mt. Saint Helens in the present day for the sixth. These ideas are both stupid and I have decided to replace them. With what, you may ask? **

**I don't know that! WHAAAA-! (Gets thrown off the bridge of death.) **

**Seriously, since I don't know what you guys want, I've decided to leave it up to YOU! That's right: you guys will get to write the final two pillar locations in the series! I have an idea for where I want the sixth pillar to be, but if you guys leave a better idea I will change it. As for the fifth, I'm clueless. So here you go: the official Pillar Location Submission Format! **

**Location: Put this in if possible  
Time period: Mandatory, since it's kind of the most important detail.  
Pillar: This should be either the Tin Pillar for the fifth, or the Steel Pillar for the sixth. This is kind of irrelevant, but I'd like to know.  
Pillar's hiding place: I suppose you don't have to add this, but it would save me a lot of work and the chapter would probably come out faster.  
Other story details: What you think Calvin and Hobbes should have to do to get the pillar. This would also help the chapter come out faster. **

**Well, I've done all I can do. Now it's your responsibility! R&R, and leave your ideas! (Because I can't come up with any. Srsly.) **


	13. Chapter 12: The Results Are In

Chapter 12: The Results Are In 

**A/N: From now on, I'm going to stop apologizing. I'm lazy, and we'll all have to get used to that. Here are two new chapters to compensate. Also, I've removed the vague summary because it wasn't vague enough. **

"Alright," said Calvin, zipping up the bag of supplies. "I think that's everything we'll need to find the last couple pillars. You ready, Hobbes?"

"Yeah, I'm almost done packing the sandwiches," said the tiger, attempting to cram a thirty-eighth sandwich (tuna on rye) into a plastic bag labeled "Hobbes's". A second bag lay beside him on the bed, labeled "Calvin's"; it contained only two sandwiches; one was cheese and one honey-and-marshmallow. "What're you bringing?"

"Let's see," said Calvin, peering into the bag. "I have the transmogrifier gun, a miniature submarine that expands to full size in water, some comic books, a GPS, a portable TV, some pants, a toy truck, an old banana, some glop that Mom served last night in a bag, a tennis racket, a partially-deflated Calvinball, a photograph, some popcorn, a couple cans of alphabet soup, an alarm clock, half of a credit card, a magnet, some batteries, a brick, a tiki torch, something I found on the street, a jacket, some light bulbs, some plastic Eggs, another portable TV, a moon rock, a smoke detector, some old doodles, a doll I stole from Susie and tried to set on fire with my mind, more comic books, sunglasses, and a plastic yak." He looked up. "That's what's on the top of the bag," he added. "I was just kind of throwing things in willy nilly."

Hobbes blinked, realizing something. "Hey Calvin," he said in confusion. "Exactly how long did it take us to pack all this stuff?"

Calvin considered for a moment. "A couple of hours," he said. "Why?"

"I don't know," said Hobbes, shaking off that feeling. "It feels like we've been packing for, like, months."

Calvin blinked and turned to his friends. "You know, Hobbes, you say the strangest things sometimes," he said. He turned back to the bag. "Anyway, I think we're ready to go now."

"Wait!" said Hobbes. "You never even told me where the other pillars are! You just said 'We've got some work to do' and then immediately started packing! Shouldn't we be getting into the time machine?"

"Nope," said Calvin, hoisting the bag on his shoulder. "I've determined the location of the last two pillars, and we don't need the time machine for either of them. One of the pillars appeared about 100 years in the past, but it's in a... remote location and it's still there today, so there's no need for time travel. As for the other one, apparently it's going to materialize about five minutes in the future not far from here, so we can easily get to it in time."

"Gee, could you be any more mysterious?" muttered Hobbes, rolling his eyes.

"Look, do you want to find these pillars or not?" asked Calvin, hoisting the duffel bag.

"No," said Hobbes, but they both knew he was lying. Despite Hobbes' cowardly nature, he wanted to know what was going on with the pillars just as much as Calvin did. In any event, they had started the quest together, and they had to finish it together; anything else wouldn't have been right.

"Fine," he sighed. "Where next?"

Calvin's face was grim. "It's not good, Hobbes," said the six-year-old. "Our next mission may prove to be one of our greatest and most dangerous yet. Indeed, we might well not survive, but I am afraid we have no choice if we wish to retrieve the pillar."

"Where is it?" asked Hobbes fearfully. "The zoo? The sewers? Inside a live shark? Where?!"

"No, Hobbes," Calvin said. "Nothing like that. This is a different kind of danger. For this mission, we're going to have to brave the ultimate danger: we're going on a secret mission behind enemy lines."

Hobbes finally got it. "You can't mean..." he began.

"Yep," said Calvin somberly. "Hobbes, grab the water balloons: we're about to embark on a journey to the center of Susie's house!"


	14. Chapter 13: GROSS Rising

Chapter 13: G.R.O.S.S Rising 

Susie Derkins was playing in the front yard. Today she was having a tea party with her many dolls and her friend, a stuffed rabbit named Mr. Bun. She poured more tea for the stuffed animal, which she proceeded to drink herself. She then proceeded to speak in a squeaky voice to make it seem that Mr. Bun had drunk it and was now complementing her tea-making skills.

From behind a bush, Calvin watched the proceedings through binoculars. He shuddered. "Disgusting," he said as he lowered the binoculars. "Clearly we are dealing with an extremely high-ranking girl agent. Infiltrating the base will be even harder than we thought."

"Actually," said Hobbes, "it'll be EXACTLY as hard as we thought. Calvin, this is insane! Breaking into Susie's house to steal the pillar isn't just stupid; it's illegal! If we get caught..."

"Then we just won't get caught," said Calvin. "We've got a foolproof plan!"

"Like the last two plans?" asked Hobbes sarcastically. "The one that sent us hurtling over a cliff, and the one that entailed a frontal assault against an all-powerful genie?"

"No," said Calvin, rolling his eyes. "Not like that. Just listen."

Hobbes listened as Calvin outlined the plan.

"First, we'll cause a distraction; because of our limited access to explosives, it will have to be something relatively non-destructive. Then, when Susie, runs to investigate, we sneak around behind her and climb in the kitchen window, which as you can see has been left open. We then locate the materialization point, grab the pillar, and escape, probably being chased by Mr. and Mrs. Derkins the whole way. Any questions?"

"Yes," said Hobbes. "What if Susie just automatically assumes you caused the distraction and calls her parents out into the yard?"

"Why would she suspect me?" asked Calvin, sounding shocked.

Hobbes simply looked at Calvin.

"Okay, fine, she'd probably suspect me," said Calvin finally. "But even if that happened, it would only make the plan easier by drawing her parents out of the house!"

"What if someone's already in the kitchen?" Hobbes asked without missing a beat. "Or what if we can't find the materialization point? Or what if the pillar is embedded in a wall? Or what if Mr. and Mrs. Derkins catch us?"

"Yes, I admit the plan has its risks," admitted Calvin, "but under the circumstances it's the best we can do."

"We could just, you know, ask for it," said Hobbes. "I mean...you could just tell Susie that she grabbed something that belongs to you by mistake, and could you kindly go in and look for it."

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Calvin. "Cooperate with the enemy?! NEVER! We are agents of G.R.O.S.S., and we would rather die than work with girls!"

"We might well," muttered Hobbes, "if your parents ever find out about this."

"Oh, stop whining!" snapped Calvin. "You're always focusing on the negative parts of the plans!"

"That's because if I talked about the positive parts, I'd have nothing to talk about," said Hobbes flatly.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Hobbes, this is the only option that doesn't involve cooperating with Susie," he said. "And even if my personal moral viewpoint didn't forbid the idea working with a girl- which it does- I refuse to let you near Susie after what happened last time."

"What did _I_ do?" asked Hobbes, offended.

"You revealed secret G.R.O.S.S. information on being captured!" exclaimed Calvin. "Or did you forget about that little incident?"

"To be fair, she had to torture me to get the secrets out of me," said Hobbes.

"She rubbed your tummy," corrected Calvin.

"Yeah," said Hobbes, grinning. "I'm highly vulnerable to snuggles."

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!" Calvin yelled in frustration.

It was the wrong thing to do. Susie immediately froze, stood up, and began running toward the bush. "Calvin, you creep!" she shouted. "You know what your mom said she'd do to you if she ever caught you on our property again!"

Calvin watched her approach and gulped. "Um..." the six-year-old said, "I think we just got our diversion. And it looks like it's us. I probably don't have to say this, but _let's move, Hobbes!_"

And with that, the two took off running.

The plan, needless to say, ran into an immediate flaw: Susie was between the bush and the kitchen window. This required Calvin and Hobbes to do a full circuit of the yard, double back on their own tracks, almost getting caught by Susie about four times, before finally clambering onto the windowsill and preparing to leap in.

"Don't," said a dangerously calm voice from directly behind the two.

Calvin slowly turned to see Susie standing about three feet behind him. From her perspective, Calvin was holding his stuffed tiger and was about to break into her house.

"Don't even think about it," hissed Susie. "If you go in there, I swear to God I'll make sure your own parents won't be able to identify the body."

"Sorry, Susie," said Calvin, "but I'm on a quest, and if I have to seize an enemy castle along the way, I'm willing to take the risk."

And with that, he grabbed Hobbes and leapt right into the window.

They hit the tile floor of the Derkins' kitchen hard, but the two quickly popped back up. From outside of the house came the sound of Susie yelling, "CALVIN, I AM GOING TO FREAKING MURDER YOU!"

"Right," said Calvin, grinning. "That would be enough rage to fill our 'Girls Annoyed' quota for the next few days. Now, where's that pillar?"

**A/N: Ooh, Calvin's introuble this time! Anyway, now the contest is closed. The locations for all the pillars have been decided. As for where they are...you'll have to find out as I continue to update! *evil laugh* Man, that felt good. Anyway, see you next time! **


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Journey to the Center of Susie's House

**A/N: Read until the end for an important update on this story.**

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LOUSE!" screamed Susie's voice from outside.

"Alright, so for better or worse, we're in her house," said Hobbes. "Now what do we do?"

"Well, we need to track down that pillar," said Calvin. "For that, we'll need to use my Higgs scanner to track down showers of rare particles. Those kinds of particles shouldn't have any source other than the pillar, unless Susie has a nuclear generator in her basement or something. Then we find the pillar and get out."

"And what do we do about that?" asked Hobbes, in response to the sound of the front door slamming, which presumably indicated that Susie was now inside the house and out for blood.

"…ah," said Calvin. "See, I'm not entirely sure how to deal with that. I kind of expected that Susie would already be out of the equation by this point."

"Oh," sighed Hobbes. "So we wing it."

"Yep," said Calvin somberly.

At that moment, Susie entered the kitchen.

Calvin and Susie had been nemeses for quite a while, ever since Susie moved next door an unspecified amount of time ago; whenever Calvin tried to think exactly how long it had been, his mind wandered to other subjects. Calvin had done a number of irritating things to Susie: he had thrown slushballs, water balloons, pine cones, and various other projectiles at her more times than he could count. One time he had even "kidnapped" her favorite doll, Binky Betsy, and held her for a $100 ransom- an incident which ended with a tense hostage exchange, a fight between himself and Hobbes, and the first defeat in G.R.O.S.S. history. But in all that time, Calvin had never seen Susie look this angry. The look in her eyes right now was less "powerful irritation" and more "homicidal insanity".

"Run," she said simply.

Calvin and Hobbes ran.

The first room adjoining the kitchen, it turned out, was the living room. This was where the TV was located, as well as several couches for watching it. Calvin was horrified to see that the Derkins family possessed a 70-inch plasma screen television that, based on the red and green buttons clearly visible on the remote, was equipped with Netflix and Hulu.

_My cheapskate dad earns more than Susie's parents_, thought Calvin bitterly, _and we're stuck with a TV that's almost twenty years old! This is SO unfair!_

Calvin didn't have much time to contemplate this unfairness, however, as he and Hobbes sprinted through the living room as fast as their legs could carry them, an irate girl hot on their heels.

The next room was a hall with a staircase leading up to the second floor. There was a small rug on the floor in front of the staircase. Calvin, being the maniacal genius he was, instantly recognized the rug as an advantage. "Slow down a bit, Hobbes!" he exclaimed.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" exclaimed Hobbes. "She wants to kill us!"

"Trust me!" exclaimed Calvin, who by now had slowed to a moderate jog rather than a dead sprint. "I have a plan!"

"Oh good, a plan!" snapped Hobbes.

Hobbes considered this. On the one hand- or paw- Calvin's plans never went how he expected, not in all the time Hobbes had known him. On the other hand, said plans had a habit of turning out well in the end, even if the middle bits usually got rather shaky. Hobbes sighed and slowed down.

With the two going slower, Susie rapidly began to gain ground on them. Calvin had just passed the end of the rug when Susie stepped onto it. Calvin suddenly stopped, turned around, grabbed the end of the rug, and yanked. Susie suddenly found herself running a few centimeters above the ground, and since this is not a naturally tenable position for a six-year-old girl, she quickly collapsed to the ground. Her head collided with the tile floor, momentarily knocking her silly.

"Okay," said Calvin, turning to Hobbes. "That's bought us a minute or so. Let's start searching properly."

From his seemingly infinite back pocket Calvin whipped out the Higgs scanner which Hobbes had last seen him use in ancient Egypt. He switched it on and slowly moved it in a circle, apparently looking for the pillar's signature particles. Finally he stopped.

"It's upstairs!" he exclaimed, sprinting up the stairs. "Come on, the pillar's materialization should be in about a minute!"

"Then shouldn't it be impossible for you to detect it?" asked Hobbes in confusion.

"No, there's some sort of perpetual particle shower located upstairs," said Calvin. "I'm guessing it's a dimensional rift through which the pillar is about to materialize!"

The two sprinted to the top of the stairs. At the top, a long hallway extended in either direction. Directly in front of them, a door led into a pink-wallpapered room that could only have been Susie's bedroom.

"Which way?" asked Hobbes.

"Dead ahead!" exclaimed Calvin. "Into the heart of the enemy sanctum!"

"Uh, Calvin?" asked Hobbes suddenly. "Susie's moving around again."

Sure enough, Susie was groggily rising from the floor and casting a glare in Calvin's general direction. Calvin gulped.

"This would be a good time to advance in the other direction," he admitted.

The two sprinted into the bedroom.

Calvin shuddered. The room was, as I mentioned, done entirely in pink wallpaper, pink shag carpet, and a pink-painted ceiling. The room was filled with dolls, posters of boy-bands, and various other girl toys lying around on the floor. It was the most sickeningly girly place Calvin had ever set foot in.

"Remind me to burn my clothes when we get home," muttered Calvin.

"And remind me to take a bath in the washing machine," agreed Hobbes.

Calvin peeked out of the door and saw that Susie was beginning to climb up the stairs. "Hobbes, I need something to throw at her to slow her down!" he exclaimed. He grabbed up a My Little Pony toy from the floor; he didn't know which it was, but it appeared to be a gray one with wings and blond hair. He drew back his arm and prepared to throw it down at Susie.

"Wait!" exclaimed Hobbes, grabbing Calvin's arm. Calvin turned in surprise, unsure why Hobbes was protesting this treatment of Susie now, only to see Hobbes holding out a completely different pony.

"Throw Rainbow Dash instead," said Hobbes. "She's more aerodynamic."

Calvin's mouth actually fell open. He wordlessly took the blue pony, dropped the gray one, turned, and threw it at Susie. By some sort of bizarre coincidence which was probably due to Calvin's recent exposure to the Luck Pillar, the sharp tip of the pony's extended right wing happened to strike Susie in precisely the point at which Susie's head had been so rudely introduced to the tile floor, causing her to fall to her knees.

Calvin would never know this; all he knew was that Susie was no longer chasing him. He turned back to Hobbes and stared at his Hobbes in disbelief. "You're a brony?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah," said Hobbes, crossing his arms coldly. "Got a problem with that?"

"No, no," said Calvin quickly. "It's totally fine, it's just…you'd think I would have picked up on something like that."

Suddenly there was a beep, and Calvin looked down at the Higgs scanner, which was still in his other hand. "Materialization imminent!" exclaimed Calvin. "Three…two…one…"

At that exact moment, the air in the room ripped apart.

A dazzling white rift appeared in the air in the middle of the room. Calvin and Hobbes stared at it, as did Susie, who by now had crawled up to the top of the stairs and staggered to her feet. Calvin and Hobbes, who had experience with time travel, duplication, transmogrification, and various other things, were nevertheless awestruck by the dazzling spinning crack in space. Neither could guess what was running through Susie's mind.

Suddenly the rift flashed and vanished where it had been was another pillar. This one was a pale pink, with magenta spirals which led from one base to the other. The pillar hurtled out from where the rift had been and struck the wall, denting it rather badly. Calvin immediately raced over and grabbed the pillar, placing it into his back pocket.

"Well then, Susie," he said, "we'll be going now. If you're looking for an explanation about what just happened, too bad, 'cause there isn't one, or at least none that I know. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got another of these to locate at the bottom of the Marianas trench."

And with that Calvin and Hobbes strolled out of the room, leaving Susie gazing in disbelief at where the rift had been, her entire world spinning around her. After a minute she heard the door slam and decided to go back into the yard and pretend none of this ever happened.

**A/N: Okay, so here's the deal. I've been struggling for months with writing this story, and I'm really sorry about taking so long. Here's the honest-to-Celestia truth: I just don't like this story very much any more. It's decent, but I no longer find the premise as interesting as I did four or so years ago when I first published it. I don't want to cut the story off in the middle, since I made a promise to finish it; but I also don't want to bind myself to five-to-nine sequels AND constantly rewrite my plans for the overall story arc. **

**So here's the plan: I'm going to finish this story if it kills me, and make it a standalone. There will be no sequels. I have retroactively rewritten the entire backstory for the Quest, and I think the story actually works out much better this way. I've added a completely new villain, a new final location, and a completely new ending. I have actually decided to fuse the story with the conclusion of my now-cancelled story "Calvin and Hobbes: Illusion Escape"; if you want, I'll add a C&H:TS-style "bonus chapter" that details the plot of "Illusion Escape", as well as the original plot of the sequels to this story. **

**I'm sorry to anyone who was expecting the sequels, but I feel this way is better for anyone. A lot of the sequels were pretty dumb anyway. Trust me. **

**Hopefully see you in less than a few months, **

**Golden Keyblade **


	16. Chapter 15: Outside the Box

Chapter 15: Outside the Box

**A/N: What do you know, another chapter is finished before the heat-death of the universe! See if you can spot all the hidden references within this chapter; a basket of cookies (translation: a shout-out) in the next episode to whoever gets them all. **

"Alright," said Hobbes as he and Calvin walked out the door of Susie's house. "We got this pillar, whatever it is. Now where's the sixth one?"

"As I briefly explained to Susie," said Calvin, still examining the pillar, "the sixth and, for our current purposes, final pillar is located at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, the deepest underwater trench on Earth. It's been there for a number of years I'm too lazy to remember, but it's remained undisturbed until the present because of how incredibly inaccessible it is. Now we simply have to go down into the trench, locate the pillar, retrieve it, bring it back to the surface, and bam! We're on to the last leg of the quest!"

"Okay," said Hobbes, "but HOW are we going to get to the bottom of the trench?"

There was an awkward silence.

"Hobbes," said Calvin, rolling his eyes, "do I have to think of everything myself?"

"You're the one who's come up with three _INGENIOUS_ plans so far," retorted Hobbes.

Calvin sighed. "Obviously we're going to take the box," he said. "I've been working on a submarine function, and as long as I can find my marker, I should be able to finish it within-"

"We can't take the box," protested Hobbes. "It's already been damaged enough by the pillar radiation and two crash-landings. Besides, it's getting kind of crowded with the pillars taking up space on the floor. How about the Transmogrifier Gun? We could turn ourselves into fish or something."

"Nope," sighed Calvin. "I'm still repairing it after it got broken from the balloon incident."

"Darn," muttered Hobbes. "So what do we do?"

"No idea," said Calvin. In frustration, he kicked over a nearby trash can. "We're so close!" he screamed. "We can't just be derailed at the last obstacle! It's not fair!"

"Well, it is the last step," said Hobbes. "Maybe we're supposed to think outside the box, so to speak."

Calvin sighed. Hobbes was right, of course. The last pillar was probably supposed to be the most difficult. He had to think. He was the kid who invented a time machine, transmogrifier, duplicator, and Cerebral Enhance-O-Tron out of a cardboard box, and a portable transmogrifier out of a water pistol. He was sure he could come up with something. He just had to think outside the box.

Outside...the box.

"Outside the box!" exclaimed Calvin suddenly, making Hobbes jump. "Hobbes, you're a genius! Come on, help me empty this trash can!"

Hobbes was mystified, but he figured Calvin being weird was better than Calvin being angry and depressed, so he did as he was told. They tipped the plastic bags containing the Derkins family's garbage out of the can until finally there was only an empty silver cylinder that was the trash can.

"Alright," said Calvin. "Now pay attention: I need you to run home and grab my magic marker from the top drawer of my desk. I have most of the tools I'll need with me in the bag, but the marker is absolutely critical to finishing the design."

Hobbes stared at Calvin. "You sure you didn't hit your head or something back in Susie's house?" he asked.

"Just trust me," said Calvin with a wink. "I've got a plan."

Hobbes moaned. "Why another plan?!" he exclaimed. "Can't we just have a stratagem or a mission statement or something? I hate your plans!"

"Ah, but this plan is different!" exclaimed Calvin, now rummaging in his bag. "This plan is completely foolproof!"

"I doubt it," said Hobbes, crossing his arms. "The problem most people run into when trying to make something completely foolproof is underestimating the ingenuity of complete fools."

Calvin paused and blinked. "Where did that come from?" he asked in surprise.

"I…don't know," admitted Hobbes. "It just felt right."

"Well, it was very witty."

"Thank you."

"Now get going!" exclaimed Calvin, turning back to the bag. "We haven't got all day!"

Hobbes started walking back towards the house, grumbling something about probably having months until they would actually find the pillar.

Even with Calvin's directions about the top drawer of the desk, it took Hobbes about ten minutes to rummage through the random debris within the drawer and find the magic marker. He paused a minute to look at it. He didn't know exactly where the marker had come from; come to think of it, he didn't remember Calvin ever being given it. The first time he had actually seen it was when Calvin had been working on what he would later learn was the Transmogrifier. Come to think of it, the marker had been involved in all of Calvin's inventions to date; even the Transmogrifier Gun had been colored black by Calvin scribbling on it with this marker until not a trace of the original paint was left. Hobbes thought about what it might mean: this impossible marker from nowhere involved in so many bizarre creations.

Then he decided it made his head hurt and chose to ignore the implications and just get the marker to Calvin already.

When Hobbes returned, he found that Calvin had apparently crawled inside the garbage can. The can now appeared to have been welded in various places, and what appeared to be random electronic components had been stuck on the sides.

Calvin climbed out. "Ah, Hobbes!" he exclaimed. "You've returned! But the marker; did you bring the marker?"

"Yep," said Hobbes, handing the drawing implement to Calvin.

"Excellent!" exclaimed Calvin. He grabbed the marker and crawled over to the side of the garbage can. After a few seconds of activity he stepped back and admired his work. "It's complete!" he exclaimed.

Hobbes frowned. It didn't look all that different, or even like a critical change. All Calvin had done was write "SUBMARINE" on the side in his crude, childish script. But Calvin seemed pleased with his handiwork.

"Come on inside," he said, climbing down to get back into the can.

Hobbes objected. "It doesn't look big enough for both of us!"

"You may be surprised," chuckled Calvin, climbing into the can and vanishing from view.

Hobbes shrugged, got onto all fours, crawled into the can…and his jaw dropped.

"No way," he said in disbelief.

The room before him was far larger than the exterior of the can. It was a sideways cylinder roughly the same size as a large car. The front window- where the bottom of the garbage can should be- was a large window which looked out onto the street. The window view didn't give the impression that they had been shrunk; it looked like a perfectly normal window out onto the neighborhood. The only non-normal thing about it was that it was impossible. Hobbes looked around and couldn't help but think that someone, somewhere, was being very, very lazy.

Two seats were positioned on revolving shafts on the floor in front of the window; Calvin was sitting in one of them, looking at Hobbes with a manic grin.

"What do you think?" asked Calvin. "What do you have to say about it?"

Hobbes knew exactly what Calvin wanted him to say, and he decided that he wasn't going to cooperate. Calvin had already gotten the satisfaction of leaving him speechless; he wouldn't get the further satisfaction of getting the quote he wanted.

"It's smaller on the outside," Hobbes responded.

Calvin blinked, then sighed. "You know," he remarked, "it really does work better the other way around."

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, the final pillar location is officially announced! I would just like to say sorry to everyone else who didn't get their ideas used, particularly Evan; I intended to use your idea for the seventh pillar, but I decided on another course of action at the last minute. Maybe I'll use that idea for something else one day; who knows.**

**The marker thing isn't necessarily foreshadowing, at least not for this story. It never hurts to leave one or two loose ends open, particularly for this story.**


	17. Chapter 16: In Too Deep

Chapter 16: In Too Deep

**A/N: So it seems my references were only partly well-received. Congrats to TheBigCat for guessing that the "smaller on the outside" comment was from ****_Doctor Who_**** (though it was actually from S8E2 because of how Calvin reacted). The other two references were the comment about the comment about foolproofing (from ****_Mostly Harmless_****, the fifth "Hitchhiker's Guide" book) and Calvin's reaction upon getting the marker (Atrus's speech in ****_Myst_**** upon getting the white page). **

* * *

"So what's the deal with this place?" asked Hobbes, sitting down in the other chair across from Calvin. "How did you do this? And more importantly, why didn't you do it with the box?"

"Simple," said Calvin. "I had a theory about what the pillars did, so I tested them with the analysis device."

"You mean the laser pointer?" asked Hobbes. "I was wondering when that plot device would pop back up."

"Yeah," said Calvin. "It turns out that the Tin Pillar has the power to create spatial distortions, which I used to create a larger inside for the garbage can. As for the Plastic Pillar, it has the ability to copy objects from other time periods, which is where these chairs and the window came from, along with our navigational gear." He pointed to a control panel built into a metallic rim just under the big window.

"But won't the water leak into the ship?" asked the tiger in confusion. "And if we seal it up, how will we be able to breathe?"

"Two separate questions, but with related answers. The can is in fact sealed; in fact, it's the most sealed ship on Earth. The inside doesn't actually exist within the can; it's displaced from our dimension by a couple of nanometers up and to the right. That way water can't get in. As for the air, I also copied a device from the year 2075 which has the ability to extract oxygen from water. I also installed a dimensional coupling to bridge the gap from the converter to the cabin; you may be interested to know that I copied the coupling from the year- get ready for it- 2222!"

"Huh," remarked Hobbes. "And you got all this from the fact that I said to think outside the box?"

"Yep," said Calvin with a grin. "After all, I AM a genius."

Hobbes decided not to respond to that one.

"Okay, so how do we get to the ocean?" asked Hobbes as he turned to the control panel. "We're not exactly on the beach, and even if we were the Marianas Trench is pretty far from anywhere."

"Ah, that's where THIS button comes in!" exclaimed Calvin, pointing to a glowing white button on the control panel. "This telepathically responds to the thoughts of the person who pushes it and teleports the ship to where they want to go."

"Huh," remarked Hobbes. "That...sounds incredibly lazy."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," the tiger admitted. "It just feels like someone, somewhere just used that explanation as a huge cop-out instead of actually coming up with a legitimate plot device."

"Can't imagine where that would be coming from," said Calvin, shrugging and turning to the controls. "Okay, if we have no further objections...HERE WE GO!"

And with that he slammed his fist on the button...and the bottom dropped out of Hobbes' stomach.

When Hobbes finally managed to stagger back up from the floor, he could see that the neighborhood was no longer on the other side of the porthole. Instead he could see...nothing. Nothing but inky blackness. His head was still swimming from the teleportation, but he managed to gather his thoughts enough to ask, "What happened?"

"We teleported," said Calvin simply. "Sorry, should have told you to fasten the quantum seatbelt; it helps to prevent disorientation."

Hobbes looked over and saw that Calvin was wearing what appeared to be a seatbelt made of pure blue energy. He looked down to see a similar device hanging limply by his seat. He groaned. Quantum seatbelts. This adventure was getting weirder every chapter.

"Where are we?" asked Hobbes. "All I see is black."

"Right!" exclaimed Calvin quickly. "Forgot to turn on the lights."

He reached over and flipped a switch on the controls. Instantly lights flared on the outside of the submarine on the sides of the window. The lights illuminated a rock wall which the submarine was facing at an angle. The portion of space that wasn't the wall remained black, which Hobbes realized was because of the depth. The ship was now deep in the ocean, where no sunlight had ever reached.

"Welcome to the Marianas Trench," said Calvin with a grin. "Now let's find that pillar and get out."

The next twenty minutes were uneventful. Calvin piloted the ship with a device which looked like a joystick except that he could also pull it up and down, allowing the ship to rise and fall, and also rotate it to spin the ship. They found nothing. Calvin's scanner, it turned out, did not work underwater, so Calvin was going off the rough one-square-mile area in which he had managed to pinpoint the pillar. This, it soon proved, was not the best method of searching the bottom of the ocean for an object that was about one foot long.

"Alright, that's it, I give up!" exclaimed Calvin in frustration. "We'll go back to the surface and I'll make a new scanner that works underwater! It's better than just searching randomly until we find-"

"Wait!" exclaimed Hobbes, leaping up. "What's that down there?!"

Calvin frowned and looked out the window. A small pinpoint of light was shining in an area the lights from the ship's window didn't illuminate. He swiveled the ship to look in that direction and saw that it was emanating from a small alcove cut into the rock. As they slowly moved closer he could see that it was coming from what appeared to be several electric lights surrounding a small narrow object.

"That's it!" exclaimed Calvin. "That's the pillar! Now we just have to get it and we're home free!"

A very wise man once said that children's behavior is proof that God has a sense of humor. If you needed further proof, you could probably find it in what happened right after Calvin said this.

Suddenly, an immense creature swum into view of the porthole. It was long gray, and neither Calvin nor Hobbes like the look of it. It was significantly longer than even the inside of the ship, and the brief glimpse they got of the inside of its mouth revealed teeth larger than Hobbes' paws or Calvin's hands. It was so long, in fact, that at its almost leisurely pace it took the creature several seconds to pass all the way across the window.

There was complete silence in the cabin. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Calvin regained the use of his vocal chords.

"Ah," he said, all bravado gone from his voice. "The long-extinct alpha predator _Carcharodon megalodon_, the largest shark to ever live. Not so extinct after all, it seems."

* * *

**A/N: Ah yes, cliffhangers. Business as usual around these parts. But I seem to be pretty good about updating recently, so hopefully I haven't just jinxed myself. **

**There are five references in this chapter, and they are all very sneaky. Ninja references, you might even call them. If anyone gets two or more, I will give them a very special prize which will be announced in the next chapter. But make sure you use an account when saying them, or else I won't be able to give you the reward. (Hint: one is to another fanfic. You guys should know the one.) **

**As usual, R&R! **


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